Things I wasn’t prepared for during childbirth and being a new mom…

The pain scale:  When you’re at the hospital you will get asked a lot what your pain level is at on a scale of 1-10.  Well, as a new mom, there is no way to know just how much pain to expect.  So of course, you think the first contractions are a 7 out of 10…. but then by the next day, when full contractions have started…. well now I KNOW that those first ones were really a 2 out of 10.  It’s a pretty useless system to ask on a scale level when you have nothing to compare it to.  I felt like saying to the nurses, that they would need to drag me out back, beat me with a baseball bat and then ask me how my contraction pain scaled.  
Poop: Be it pooping on the delivery table (apparently it pretty much always happens but no one admits it), baby poop (why does it look like mustard?!), or my own poop pains while home (stool softeners are key!), I now realize I now talk about poop more than most people talk about the newest Rob Ford scandal. 
Getting nothing done:  Don’t beat yourself up, if you manage to get a load of laundry done in a day during your first few weeks home you have had a fulfilling day.  Your time is broken up into 1.5 hour increments, which isn’t much time to shower, change, or make dinner.  You will fall into a routine, and you will get more stuff done each week, but it is hard.  Don’t let anyone judge you. I still think Hubby imagines me painting my toes and having luxurious bubble baths all day while the dishes pile up in the sink, but once he’s home and I hand over Junior so that I can have 5 minutes to pee in peace, he soon realizes it’s not easy. 
Opinions:  Everyone has them, and some are valid, but I’ve heard some really absurd comments come from peoples mouths.  Everyone has their opinion on breast feedings, types of formula, the need to wear a hat or the safety of baby swings.  Did you know you’re not supposed to use baby powder anymore?  Each year there is a new “study” that tells you that having baby sleep on his stomach is now bad, bumper pads aren’t safe, or that toy you remember having forever is no longer safe.  As a new mom, and a new family you will need to figure out which pieces of advice are relevant and which ones are just fluff.  Consult your doctor or local nurse to keep up with the newest studies. 
Breast feeding:  Hubby and I have officially pulled the plug on breast feeding.  With an industrial pumping machine loaned to me from the local nurse I still wasn’t getting more than 15 ml from a pumping session, and Junior is hauling back over 4 ounces of formula now a sitting.  My mental health was being sacrificed trying to get my girls working, and the lack of sleep was just stomping on my mental state.  Now with formula, feeding is a happy time for everyone, and doctor says that Junior is right on track for weight.  One good friend reassured me that breast feeding is the most unnatural natural thing you can do.  Meaning that it doesn’t come naturally to some, and grasping a 9lbs baby who is screaming to your breast can feel very unnatural, sure doesn’t help that the girls weren’t producing. We tried, we cried and now we are on formula. 
People asking if I’m going to have another child: Holy smokes people… please wait until my lady parts have had time to heal before asking me that!  Why would I even think about having another child right now?  Do you see the bags under my eyes? Do you see the formula caked onto my chest (you heat test it just about anywhere you have skin showing)?  Do you notice I’m still waddling to prevent my insides from escaping?  Don’t ask me yet please!



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